Bitter Sorrow and Great Happiness

I read Ponder the Path of Thy Feet by President Thomas S. Monson (given October 2014 General Conference) this morning as part of my scripture study and lesson prep and knew I must post this quote to remind me.

 

"While we will find on our path bitter sorrow, we can also find great happiness."



I know this sounds strange - one of those oxymorons, but I too can testify that this is true.  And I am grateful for it.

A Bitter Heart

For a while now I have given thought to a certain time in my life when my heart was bitter about my circumstances and conditions.   Each time I have thought about it I have also felt inspired to share my story here.  I have attempted to write it several times, but have also hesitated each time knowing that it would incriminate me. I really am embarrassed by it.  Listening to General Conference prodded me, so once again I attempted to complete this story but didn't succeed.  Attending Skyler's college graduation was the final prod I needed, and I am sitting to complete it for the final attempt.  This experience isn't something that I am proud of or pleased with, aside from the fact that I am grateful to have been able to recognize and overcome the evil within. 

I want to start out by saying that I love my children - each and every one of them.  This story in no way should, nor is intended to make any statement contrary to that fact.

My story is about hearts.  They are our very life.  But this story isn't about the beating of a heart in a physical sense, but about the spiritual part of the heart, which in many ways is just as important.  Our hearts are what help us feel ..., really feel.  Therefore we need to keep them happy and never harbor hatred or bitterness.  For hatred and bitterness are destroyers of happiness and joy and peace.

Okay, enough preface, on with my story -

After having a few boys added to our family I really wanted a girl. At one point I was feeling rather bitter about things and wondering why Heavenly Father wasn't answering what I thought was a righteous desire and request. 
Don't get me wrong - I loved (and still love) my boys, each one of them, and wouldn't trade any of them for anyone or any thing else. But that love didn't stop me from wanting a girl too. I know that there are others out there who at the same time would have given anything for a child - girl or boy, so why should I complain?  (I might add, that I have felt that feeling for a short time in my life too.)  I also saw at the same time that there were young girls out there who shouldn't even be having children, getting pregnant and having a girl.  What was up with that?  Are you sensing the bitterness I was feeling?  I'm just trying to paint this picture as it really was - telling it like it is type of thing.

I'm not sure how many boys I had before I began feeling so bitter about it, and I'm sure it was a gradual thing, but I can especially remember one experience (and can vividly envision it in my mind as I think back on it today) when I wept bitterly and felt almost angry against the Lord for not granting me this blessing.  I was telling my visiting teachers about my desire and while doing so I was able to feel my body tremble and a coldness overcome me.  I remember recognizing that I was "out of control" ..., this was not what I wanted to feel.  I was not who I wanted to be.  I didn't like that bitter feeling inside of me.  The Lord's Spirit had left me.  These sweet sisters listened lovingly, and surely wondered what to say or do that could console me.  I'm sure the Lord was inspiring them because they said and did exactly what I needed at the time.  Even though I don't remember their exact words, I do remember the love they expressed to me and the hope they gave me as they shared their love for me and their love for the Lord.   I wish I could remember their words, but do recognize that what I felt may have come from more than spoken words.   I knew then that I needed to pray for forgiveness and come to terms with the fact that I did not have a daughter.  I had to remember to trust in the Lord, to love Him.  Possibly most importantly,  I knew that my prayers needed to change from "please give me a daughter" to "please give me peace".   I had to stop dwelling on my discouragement and start dwelling on something that would take my heart to a happy place.  Christ would be that happy place.

I can tell you that my prayers did change and my heart changed also.  In time, I recognized that I had come a long way.  After my seventh son I was feeling a great peace and even felt comfortable with being done with our family of seven boys. There was no bitterness left in me.  I felt good inside.  I felt peace and love from above.  I was content.  I was happy.  It was a great feeling and I was grateful for it.

My story doesn't end there, but it could have and life would have been great because I had found a happy place.  I find it interesting that it was only after this peace came to me that I was given a daughter. Child number eight, that I wasn't sure I was even going to have, was a surprise package ready to be dressed in pink (at least for a few years).   And to prove His love for me, the Lord then sent us one more son, child number nine, to complete our family. 

There is much more to this story that I left unsaid, but I am grateful for the change of heart that took place, and for those two sisters who truly were inspired to encourage and love and inspire me to be a better person.  Their hearts were where they needed to be when I needed them.  I am so grateful for that.   One of those sisters has since past away, but I will remember her always because of the love shared from her heart to mine that day.  The other sister remains my friend and without even knowing, continues to touch my heart in numerous ways.  They each hold a special place in my heart.

I have learned that true joy comes from what Christ sends us, whatever that is.  It does not always come from our desires, though sometimes we are lucky enough that those two things are the same.  It's how we handle what He sends us that makes us who we are and guides us to a happy place.

I love this quote - it fits perfectly for my story - I must remember this for all areas of my life!

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou


Because the quotes I heard at Skyler's graduation are still recent enough for me to remember, I am adding them here. You'll probably see why they prompted me to continue writing my story.   As usual, I will enjoy reading the conference messages to remind myself of those great words, and maybe I'll share some of those thoughts as I come to them.

Quotes from April 2013 BYU-I  graduation: (FYI - these were each from different speakers)

- "In all thy getting get understanding" and "lean not unto thine own understanding but trust in the Lord" (two scriptures that fit so well together)

 

- "This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it" (quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson)

 

- "How we react to our failures can be more important than how we react to our successes"

I thought I was going to close here, but another thought keeps coming to my mind - it's a phrase in a children's book, and maybe even the title of it - Better Move On Frog! 
(I don't remember the story of that book, but the title is what fits here.)
When we find our hearts becoming hardened or bitter we'd better move on to a happier place, and we'd better recognize that the happier place is closer to Christ and His teachings.  That's all there is to it.  Forget and forgive and move on.


and lastly - a Japanese Proverb



image from here




Enjoying the Journey

Talk given 27 November 2011
Topic: Enjoying the Journey or Finding Joy in the Journey.


Just above my computer is a calendar page that says
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do with what happens to you.”

I had an experience this week that really brought that quote front and center in my mind.
Wednesday morning I found myself in a sad way. I had gotten up late that morning, I was feeling sluggish and my whole “game” was off. My morning routine could not take place as normal.
I was feeling hurt and a bit sorry for myself because of some things that had happened previously - though I‘ll not share those details. I’ll just say that there were some silly things running through my head and selfish feelings attacking my heart.
;) And, just to put you all at ease, it involved no one in this room.

I decided to not work on my talk that morning even though I knew it needed more attention. I just wasn’t in the right mood to make it work, so I spent a couple hours wasting time and having my own personal pity party as I searched through some favorite blogs. I just kept waiting for me to kick myself up and away from the computer to work on the pies I needed to make, but it wasn‘t happening.

I came across a blog that I have been watching and I have often wondered if this gal was a member of the church. That day she wrote a post of 50 things she was thankful for, and half a dozen of those things told me that she probably is a member. At least she is thankful for “getting to serve a mission, her testimony of Christ, her calling in her church, for the Spirit and feeling guided, for Christ‘s Atonement, and for her family.”
As I read through her list and thought of my own, something all of a sudden touched my heart and I was okay.
And just as suddenly, my pity party ended!



It was around that time that I realized what had taken place that morning, or not taken place, creating a great atmosphere for my pity party.

Problem number 1 -
I had forgotten to say my personal prayer. When I pray I always feel peace and that makes me feel better. Always!
Prayer does not remove me from the trial or sorrow or problem of whatever kind it might be, but prayer always makes me feel better.

In our last General Conference President Monson reminded us that
“Communication with our Father in Heaven - including our prayers to Him and His inspiration to us - is necessary in order for us to weather the storms and trials of life.” (p82)
Oh how I know this to be true!

Problem number 2 -
I had forgotten to read my scriptures that morning.
When I read the scriptures I always feel better! Always!
Even though I am not removed from the trial or sorrow or problem of whatever kind it might be, reading the scriptures always makes me feel better.

We must “feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” (2 Nephi 32:3)
I testify that in them we find strength and joy.

Pres. Leavitt’s counsel during Ward Conference was to read the BofM and give of ourselves to others. His promise to us if we did this was that we would find “a way out”, we would find “peace, and the ability to overcome.”
Following his counsel will help us enjoy our journey - that is why he gave this counsel to us.









Problem number 3 -
I forgot to give of myself and think of others - to serve. I was feeling a bit self-centered that morning… it was all about me!
Charity is what this gospel is all about! We find joy in serving others.
When I remember to think of and help and serve others I am always happier! Always!
Doing so does not remove me from the trial or sorrow or problem of whatever kind it might be, but it does make me feel better.

Mark Twain said “Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”

President Monson told us that “We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.”


Problem number 4 -
I had forgotten to be grateful that morning.
I was totally saturated in my pity party and couldn’t - or wouldn’t - see the Light.
When I remember to be grateful I always feel better! Always!
Even though I am not removed from the trial or sorrow or problem of whatever kind it might be, having a Grateful Heart always makes me feel better.

Every day this month I have been writing about something I am grateful for. I‘ve been trying to "...live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessing which he doth bestow upon [me]." (Alma 34:38)
It has been a wonderful and enjoyable experience for me, and I‘ve decided to continue with it, at least for awhile.

But, Wednesday morning (back to that pity party I was throwing) I was feeling not so grateful for anything. Not because I had nothing to be grateful for, but because I had forgotten to be grateful. For a short time that morning, I had forgotten the important things in life…and I was kind of miserable.

Sometimes we get caught up in wishing for something different and hoping that tomorrow will bring greater reason to be happy.

But we must realize that
“It is not happy people who are thankful, It is thankful people who are happy.”
and
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough”

President Monson said;
“I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are the lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey - now.”

We must choose to not focus on what is missing from our lives at the moment, but instead be grateful for what is present in our lives.


Often times the title of a book is the only thing I read. They are like Capsule Sermons, and I sometimes get as much out of them as I do the whole book. Here is one I like - “Pain is Inevitable - Misery is Optional!”
Things don’t always turn out the way we hope, but we can still enjoy the journey.

“What we see mainly depends on what we look for.”

I’m reminded of Elder Wirthlin telling about his family taking a trip, only to find out after hours on the road that they ended up in the wrong place. They laughed about it instead of getting upset. He then encouraged us with these words - “Come what may and love it!”

Let us cheerfully do all things. (D&C 123:17)

The Lord has said, “ ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along [your journey]” (D&C 78:18)






During the last General Conference Elder Cook shared with us his experience.
He was just finishing his first week as a General Authority and was heading down the elevator with an overloaded briefcase and a heavy heart. His head was down as he stared blankly at the floor.
The door opened and someone walked in, but Elder Cook did not look up.
As the door closed he heard someone ask, “What are you looking at down there?”
He recognized the voice as Pres. Monson, and quickly looked up to respond, saying “Oh, nothing.”
President Monson smiled and lovingly suggested, while pointing heavenward, “It is better to look up!”
He repeated that counsel before leaving the elevator - “Now, remember, it is better to look up.” (P33 Nov 2011 Ensign)

Looking up would not have taken Elder Cook’s problems away, but it would have made them seem lighter.
”lift up your head and be of good cheer.” 3 Ne 1:13


As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we are truly blessed to know the great plan of happiness, to know who we are and what our destiny will be, and to receive the blessings that come when we follow His plan.
We know where to find joy. We know that finding joy is a choice.
We know that joy doesn’t come from doing what we want, unless what we want is the same as doing what we should.

Working at righteous tasks and pursuing righteous desires allows the Lord’s Spirit to abide in us. The scriptures tell us that “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance…” (Galatians 5:22-23)


Doing what we should does not mean that we will be free from sorrow or pain, but it is the Lord’s way, and the Lord’s way is the way to joy, happiness and peace, and it has been since the beginning.





Adam and Eve had a wonderfully beautiful garden to live in, but in that state, they did not recognize the beauty and goodness of it.
They were “in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.” (2 ne 2:23)

But, there was a plan. The Plan of Salvation, a Plan of Happiness.
“All things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.” (2 Ne 2:24)
“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.” (2 Ne 25)
and
Joy is doing “all things whatsoever the Lord [our] God shall command.” (Abr. 3:25)

Obeying the commandments does not remove us from the trials or sorrows or problems of whatever kind they might be, but when I obey I always feel happier. Always!

Elder Costa said “All who seek happiness can find it in the Gospel of Jesus Christ taught in His Church.” and “True happiness comes from keeping the commandments of God.”


I love this paragraph in the introduction to the Bible - “But among all our joys, there was no one that more filled our hearts, than the blessed continuance of the preaching of God’s sacred Word among us; which is that inestimable treasure, which excelleth all the riches of the earth; because the fruit thereof extended itself, not only to the time spent in this transitory world, but directed and disposeth men unto that eternal happiness which is above in heaven.”

[No joy more filled our hearts than the blessed continuance of the preaching of God’s sacred Word.]









In the book of Mosiah we read that “King Benjamin [taught] his sons the language and prophecies of their fathers.” (chapter one preface) He taught them to “search [the records or scriptures] diligently, that [they] might profit thereby…” and to “ keep the commandments of God…” (Mos 1:7)

Just as king Benjamin taught his sons, he taught his people the principles of the gospel that would bless their lives and help them enjoy their journey if they lived those principles.

We too have a prophet who has taught and continues to teach his people principles of the gospel that would bless our lives and help us enjoy our journey if we live those principles.
They are much the same as what king Benjamin taught his people, and these principles are always given with a promise.

This is a joyful religion, one of hope, strength, and peace.
Pres. Uchtdorf reminded us that “The Gospel is the only way to happily ever after.”

I testify that living the gospel can be accomplished with the help of the Lord, through personal discipline, as we remember to make wise choices.

I also testify that when we find ourselves not living the gospel as we should, having transgressed any law and taken a wrong turn in our journey we can quickly correct our ways and step back on the right path.
I did quickly repent of my misstep Wednesday morning. I said my prayer and read my scriptures, and began to remember those most important things. And Wednesday became an enjoyable day.

Elder Christofferson reminded us that “Repentance is a divine gift…, [that] points us to freedom, confidence, and peace.”
“The divine gift of repentance is the key to happiness here and hereafter.” (p38)

We enjoy life more when we are “clean” and temple worthy. Remember that repentance can take place any time in life.
Repenting may not remove me from the trial or sorrow or problem of whatever kind it might be, but it will always make me happier. Always!



In Luke 2 we read that the angel came to the shepherds saying “Fear not: for, behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people” and then announced the birth of our “Saviour, Christ the Lord.”
This was not only good tidings of great joy to those shepherds, it was good tidings of great joy for all of us. This news should make us joyful in our journey.

May we remember our Savior this time of year as we celebrate His birth, but let us not forget Him when the season is over. He is our reason to rejoice and He is our reason to enjoy the journey here on earth.

“for in this world your joy is not full, but in [Christ] your joy is full.” (D&C 101:36)
“the Lord will direct thee for good” (Alma 37:32) and
“His Spirit…shall fill your soul with joy” (D&C11:13)


“Put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good,” and it “shall fill your soul with joy” (D&C 11:12–13).

Pres. Uchtdorf said “Our journey toward perfection is long, but we can find wonder and delight in even the tiniest steps in that journey.” (P120 )

My hope today is that we never loose sight of the things that bring joy to our lives, and I testify that those things that bring joy to our lives are Christ and His teachings.

The Lord is my Strength!

I was searching online for a quote "The Lord is my Strength" and realized something quite profound, yet so very simple.

When images and comments came up I saw a few spiritual references and appreciated them in their own individual way. Then as I scrolled down I noticed other photos that didn't seem to apply to my request and wondered why they were included.

That is when it hit me! I saw the captions under the images and understood why those images were there. Each had a caption similar to this; "Oh, my lord!" (left un-capitalized on purpose)

I suddenly felt the importance of realizing who our Lord is and how the secular world often "worships" things as their "lord" just as I saw in these images of men or women of a sensual nature, or delicious food, or other things that do not lead us to our Lord if that is our lord. I am sorry for those who do not understand this. They are truly missing something, and may not even recognize it.


I am very grateful for my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. He is my strength!